I sat there this morning watching her.
Observing her. She lit her cigarette and climbed into her snow covered Corolla. Slip on shoes, pj pants and a jacket. This is what addiction looks like. Needing to get your fix no matter what is going on. A while later she got out and went back inside. Not long after she returned again. Wearing the same clothes but no cigarette this time. She reached into her car to pull out a snow scraper that had no handle, and proceeded to brush off the car. It was clear from the amount of snow on it that she hadn’t left in days. Makes sense due to the fact she probably can’t afford to drive it often.
Just yesterday she came into work asking to use the phone and spent an hour talking to the bank. Money was disappearing and she didn’t know where to. Turns out it’s student loans. The gouvernement wasn’t happy with her lack of paying it back. So they began to deduct certain amounts from her bank account. Frustrated she would escape the shop to light a cigarette and return a few minutes later. After a while she figured things out with the bank and student loans but it wasn’t what she was looking for.
As I observed her tired, frustrated movements, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her and also a connection. Watching her i saw myself. Addiction. Alone. Needing money. Barely being able to afford her living. Going to family for money which she wastes on cigarettes. Being the family disappointment.
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